I remember back in Santa Barbara when I was 20. I was standing outside of a bar one night, waiting for a friend of my father's. I saw a man across the street holding a sign that read FREE HUGS. Another man, attempting to drink himself into the record book, stumbled my way. Do you have a fuckin' problem? he asked. Are you some kind of fuckin' pussy? I told him there was no problem and laughed at his sense of desperation. I don't want no fuckin' problem, I'm just a good Americano like yourself. He walked up and limply shook my hand.
Later that night I held a beer and listened to some advice from my father's friend. I was trying to find the secret to women. I was sure he didn't have the answer, but the conversation was humorous. Marry the first girl that licks your asshole he said. I laughed and took a sip as I thought back to that pathetic man outside the bar, wondering how many more people he had found to hassle.