shakespeare wanted all the lawyers dead
“So the course is closed, my friend. Sign says it was sprayed earlier today. Bad fucking timing,” I said, standing in the parking lot of the Los Feliz Municipal Golf Course.
“Ah shit,” replied Greg. “Probably not a good idea to just walk on as planned. We’ll have to come back another day.”
We began brainstorming on how to pass the time, whether we should grab some dinner or simply listen to records, when a portly man in his fifties approached us and said, “Oh don’t mind my dog. She’s a sweetheart, she’s a good dog.” He was wearing a rather lazy outfit, one I would happily slip into on a hot summer day while drinking beer and watching television. His hair was deep into the grey color transition all men fear and eventually accept. His face was unkempt and maintained a casual demeanor throughout our encounter, even when he began cursing the fucking lawyers involved in the custody case over the aforementioned dog, who was now leashless and wandering around the empty lot. The small, long-haired pooch appeared as harmless as his animated, intoxicated owner.
“Ya I’ve been drinking since noon. Been dealing with this damn case—these fucking lawyers—fucking lawyers—over that cute little girl over there who shouldn’t have to go through any of this. I love her, I really do. She’s such a sweetheart. We settled on an agreement today and I decided it was time to drink. Ha ha! She shouldn’t have to go through this. And the fucking lawyers!”
We sat there listening to him complain, occasionally nodding in agreement or providing him the one word answer he wanted to hear.
“Before you guys head out I have to tell you a joke, it’s one of my favorites,” he said. We turned around to face him one last time before going on our way.
“How do you get three old women to say ‘fuck?’”
Both of us chuckled, curling our closed lips inward and shrugging in the traditional, “I don’t know, tell me,” kind of way.
“Get the fourth one to say ‘bingo!”
Greg and I turned to face each other and let out two genuine laughs, which pleased this temporary drunk wanderer.
I’ve always enjoyed the characters who wedge their way into my life, knowing they only have a few minutes before we part ways and want nothing more.