august 7th, 2009

pocket knife

I try to get as high as I can

before I fall asleep

before I wake up and put on my mask

I try and milk each night

squeeze out every last drop

before I collapse onto my pillow

and wake up drooling

confused and bitter

it may not be noble

but it is what I need

and it is what I want

I live for the groan

and despise it as the same time

I guess I enjoy the clash

the repetitive inconsistency 

no, better said, I accept it

to attain freedom

I must work for it

to live a life void of responsibility

I must prove my responsibility

I don't want to be handed success

I want to earn it

I want to accept my rewards

with a brisk step

and open hands

I want to feel I deserved it

not surprised my name was called

I want to be old

with her

drunk on the balcony

still inspired

wine cellar deep below our feet

happy to be alive

and angry to witness such suffering

all and all

I just want my own dog.